writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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