Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
