dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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