READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want a musical about memes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
