I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
