I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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