i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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