Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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