my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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