i think my tv is drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
