God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
