i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
