Plan B is the new Plan A
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
