I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
