I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
