She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
