woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
