mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
