First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
