We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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