tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
