the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
