is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
