the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
