Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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