He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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