i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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