Whod you bang
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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