My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
