Please, let me fuck your mom
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
