If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
