We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
