if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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