We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize