the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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