Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
