i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
