I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
