would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
