I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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