In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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