my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
