I got chris browned last night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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