your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
