I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
