He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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