Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
