i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
