i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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