You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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