After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
