You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I CAN MOONWALK!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
