Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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