Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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