Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just high enough for therapy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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