it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
