i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Congratulations! We have a period
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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