Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
