You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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