I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Found the puke drawer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
