Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
