Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
