I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
