So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
